Fan Etiquette – AKA “HEY… DOWN IN FRONT!!!”

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I had the pleasure of attending the Stadium Series in New York on Wednesday night.  As frigid as it was, it was an experience unlike no other.  I sat in a section that was a pleasant 60-40 mix of Islander and Ranger fans.  No one was obnoxious, there were no fights, it was a great atmosphere for the game.  Then enters what I shall refer to as “fuzzy hood girl.”  Now there are certain unwritten rules to any sporting event.  To the rookie fans, they  may not know all of them, but hopefully they are attending the game with someone who will walk them through it.  All of these offenders should get a 2 minute penalty for excessive douchery.

HOCKEY RULE NUMBER 1 – DO NOT ENTER OR EXIT THE ROW WHEN PLAY IS ON.

Have some common sense.  The people around you paid good money to watch the game, and when you get up to go to the restroom or go get something to eat, you are disrupting not only the people in your row, but the people behind you.  This rule can be ignored if you sit on the aisle seat, but the majority of the culprits are always in the middle seat.  These rule breakers always find the worst possible moment to make their exit.  A breakaway, power play, or even worse, right when you sit down and get situated with your beer on the floor, food on your lap, and napkins laid out perfectly on one of your legs.  This rule applies also with entering the row.  The ushers at the Nassau Coliseum are pretty good with their presence on the top of the stairs and their sign that specifically says do not enter, but you always have those people who sneak by.  Well, fuzzy hood girl did not get a chance to read this post since she was an offender multiple amount of times.  It’s rude.  I’d understand if she didn’t know, committed the crime once, and then never did it again.  Not the case.  I think she got joy out of pissing everyone off…

HOCKEY RULE NUMBER 2 – DOWN IN FRONT!!!! 

Honestly???????  It’s science people.  Human beings are not transparent.  If you are standing in front of someone, SIT DOWN.  You create a domino effect with your standing during play.  There are many levels of the “down in front” offenders.  Lets list them here.

  • The bouncer – This offender is usually a child.  After finishing their third cotton candy and on the border of having a diabetic fit with the amount of sugar in their system, they find the need to bounce throughout the entire duration of the puck play.
  • The anticipator – This offender gets so excited at every play that they feel the need to creep up in their seat and jump up halfway when a shot is on net as if to say “I will be the first one in this entire arena to know that it is a goal.”
  • The multitasker – This ends up usually being a parent who is trying to dole out all of the hotdogs to the troops that they so nicely volunteered to bring to the game.  It’s also the person who just arrives to the game halfway into the first period and has to take their jacket off very gingerly, stretch, move things, have a conversation about if the seats are good and if they need to switch.  These offenders are so occupied with their task of pleasing others that they forget they are being a super douche to the rest of the crowd.
  • Fuzzy Hat Bimbo – This is just plain plain plain rude.  This girl knew that people were getting pissed so she continued to just STAND and turn to talk to her friend in the row behind her.  She then felt the need to take selfies throughout the entire play of the game.  When other spectators at first asked her to sit, she then took her sweet ass time as to say “Im standing bitch!!!!”  I hated everything about this girl.  Did I mention she had a New York Ranger scarf…. Yeah… classy.

HOCKEY RULE NUMBER 3 – FOCUS ON THE GAME

Why are you here?  Why are you at the game if the only thing you are going to do is text or have a conversation about something completely irrelevant and distracting.  I once went to a game where I felt like I was in a business meeting because the gentlemen behind me were buying and selling and stocks and bonds all damn game.  At one point I swear they made a conference call. Yes, a hockey game is a great place to bring a potential client, but at the same time, zip it. Watch the game bro-cha-cho.

HOCKEY RULE NUMBER 4 – DONT BE A BELLIGERENT DRUNK

Im all for the occasional cocktail or other pleasurable drink, but there is a limit to how much you really need to consume during the game.  The players cannot hear you nor do they care about what you are saying.  You are not funny, you are not witty, and pretty much everything you are saying is going to be followed with a SHUT THE F*** UP from another person.  I do have to say thank you though because sometimes when the game is getting a little dull, you always know how to spice it up by fighting with someone and then security comes to escort your ass out.

Bottom line – We all have our own agenda on why we are at a sporting event.  I bet you the majority of the people will say that they are there to WATCH the game… but whatever the case may be, please be aware of the people around you.  Don’t be “that person.”

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